This practice is beating me up

It is less pleasant to be afraid of the practice, but that's how I felt today.

I hate the feeling of being beaten up by the practice, being weak and tired and out of breath, fighting with your mental self whether to cheat or continue or stop completely. Asking yourself whether this whole thing is finally not meant for you, and that your body just can't take the heat.

Luckily I had planned a very light set for today, and got through it ok, but the fear was there. It's terrible, worse than watching a horror movie (which I don't like to do either). I understand that having been sick makes you physically weak, and puts your mind down, too, but the feeling was real. I also ask myself, whether I have a serious block with the second; every time I decide to go for it, I fall ill (that's twice so far).

Well, learning the no-attachment part; I pictured myself as a gray old wrinkled lady, still doing the primary. It was not a bad image, after all.